ashamed

How can words ever hope to communicate what lies inside the heart?

I've been wrong, and I've been cruel, and I've been careless with what was trusted to me.

Again.

and again, and again, and again.



Part of me wishes that I'd died: that I'd cut, that I'd jumped, that I'd swerved, that I'd swallowed. I tried to.

But there's something buried deep down inside of me that's holding on for that moment when all this is just a memory and I'm finally able to be the person everyone else knew I could be, the person I could never quite believe in.

hold on.

I'm trying to find the help that I need. I've talked to people, people who know what they're doing, people who are going to help me. I've got lots more talking to do still.

i'm living one hour at a time.
i'm living for someone i don't know yet.
i'm holding on.
i'm holding on.
i'm still alive.

...

I started a letter to myself on January 12th. I never finished it, and I wish that I had. I wish that I'd listened to it. I wish that I'd wallpapered the whole goddamn house with it. Maybe I still will.

Calm down. Yes, it's important, but don't make a mess of things by panicking. You've done that too much already.

Slow down and give yourself some space. Give those around you some space. Breathe.

You've got to learn to understand yourself. You've got to learn to listen to yourself. You've got to learn to recognize what it is you're thinking and feeling so you can respond appropriately.

You've got to take care of yourself so you can be a positive influence on those around you. Take care of your body. Stimulate your mind. Make good use of your time. Make your money work for you. Enjoy the places you call home. Find peace within your own skin.

Situations might make you worry and panic and feel hopeless, and that's okay. But when the people you love need you, you've got to put your fears aside for the moment; you've got to be a rock of support. There will be time later for them to support you.

Keep motivated. Take advantages of opportunities which present themselves. Minimize and move past setbacks -- they're temporary.

And this, too. And this. And this. And this. And this. How can I keep from forgetting the things I've already learned?