fragile

I count today as a hard-earned victory.

Mom and I cleaned the house and rearranged the bird cages before P came home from the airport at noon.

I wandered downtown for hours by myself. I told myself that I was looking for shoes, but really I wasn't strong enough to be around anyone who knew me. I stopped at REI and ended up saying for close to an hour watching the staff teach kids rock-climbing. I thought I caught a glimpse of a future in a young black-haired man quietly encouraging a girl with a red shirt and wavy hair.

G called this afternoon, a voice I never thought I'd hear again, with unlooked-for love and support. I don't deserve it, but I'm so thankful.

And R called to invite me to dinner this week.

I cut myself out of my own circle over the last month. But now I'm starting to re-establish the connections I let fail. I'm sorry for disappearing on you all. I hope you'll understand that I didn't mean to hurt you. I want to see you all again. It's just going to take some time.

I miss you.