Building

Life is back on some sort of level now. It's not yet where I'd like it to be, but it's stabilized for the moment. And now I'm afraid I've averted the explosive end only to open an opportunity for a slower, quieter end that's no less final, no less painful. I don't know yet.

But I've made my choices. The things I've done, whether for good or ill or indifferent, have landed me here. I don't regret having acted, but I do regret some of my actions.

I wrote a letter to myself yesterday, telling myself all the things I knew but wouldn't listen to. It's strange how the process of externalizing information has a way of making it more ... tangible, perhaps?

And now I'm just tired. Tomorrow morning will mark one month. On the morning of December 14th, 2004, everything changed. It's been an explosive month, but I think I'm finally getting myself under control.

God, I hope I am.

there is no time now for saving your grace
it's not a tragic mistake
it's just a change of pace

imported thoughts of a hopeless and kind
thank you for all you have blessed
but I must fall behind

today it's gonna be such a good day,
such a good day
today it's gonna be such a good day,
such a good day
to stay

today it's gonna be such a good day,
such a good day
today it's gonna be such a good day,
such a good day
to say goodbye
--K